Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
