drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
