He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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