Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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