They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
