The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
