I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
