did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
