I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
