How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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