I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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