um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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