By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
