I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
