I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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