So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
