the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
