I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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