She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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