Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
