I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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