just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
