I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize