She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
