The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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