Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
