I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
