I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
