im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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