I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
