I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
