Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
