I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
