plz talk dirty to me
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
