She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize