turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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