I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
