Don't you send me to vm
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
