you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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