Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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