I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
