My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
dude. I can hear the air.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
