I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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