drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
