thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
