U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
