I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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