How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
