His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drunk is not a location!
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