I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
