dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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