Screwed.edu
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
