i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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