I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i believe in u and ur pee
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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