Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
