i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
