I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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