I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
