i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
