11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
