once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
