i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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