I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
