Moan for me like Helen Keller
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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