I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
