you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
