Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
