Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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