Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
