This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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