Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
