loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
