If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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