The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
