so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
