Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
