Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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