It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
