Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
