...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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