If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You made out with two different species that night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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