I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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